Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize