why do cheetos always look like penises
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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