i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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