one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
