After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
