dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
