If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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