I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
