your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dicks are not precious.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
