i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
