Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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