why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
