Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
