office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
