I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
