I wish I could teleport
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
