Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you had me at cake vodka
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize