operation harelip BJ is a go
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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