Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
