Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize