ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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