before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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