I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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