my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
