at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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