my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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