Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
