he shaved USA in his pubs
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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