I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
