I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
