How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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