Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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