it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
