I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
