im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
