whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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