just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize