I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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