I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
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