she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize