I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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