where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My ass is underappreciated
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
