Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
