So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
