They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
