I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
