I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
