Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
