absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
don't judge my taste in strippers
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
