In the future we'll all be gay
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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