My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she told me i tasted like america
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
