Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
