I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
