if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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