the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
