Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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