i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
