dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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