VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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