Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize