So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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