meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
