i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
