My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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