Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
