Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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