just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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