Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
