I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
