I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
