i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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