i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
