At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
