You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
