His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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