An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I supernannyed him into submission
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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