Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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