All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
