Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
