I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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