who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
