youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
