wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
