I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
